Critical Behavior

Question: How can I keep from judging others? In addition, how can I keep from being at the affect of their judging me? I get distracted from spiritual principles very easily and become small, picky, and unkind which isn’t a very effective way to live when I am so critical.

Answer: First of all, enjoy your judgment! Enjoy being small and petty! Perhaps the unkind part is something that you want to heal. The reason Alana says to enjoy is that judgment is a very valuable tool. It is a tool that can help you find a beautiful quality within yourself.

At first judgment leads you to project outward when presented with an event or a situation that you do not like. This creates a connection with a need and a projected thought about the another person that seems to be about them.

Let me phrase that a different way. Say that someone does something that you think is disgusting. Is it really about them? Well “yes” since that was their action. However, “no” since it points you into something that you value, need, desire, or want within yourself.

So you can tell yourself, “Let me celebrate that which I just judged.” Acknowledge it, but do not stop by looking at the action of the other. Let’s take it one step further, point it back towards yourself, and ask, “What is my need.” Perhaps you will sense that your need is for peace. Or, perhaps it will say that your need is for kindness. Would you call that picky? Would you call that belittling? No, you would call that an action pointed towards learning how to be more in touch with what’s important to you.

The unkindness occurs when you judge yourself for judging them and then take an action towards them because you have judged yourself.

Then the unkindness has not just occurred to them, it has also just occurred to you. Do you see? When you judge, take it a step further and discern. You can learn to discern what is right for you and then you will have love.

Now you have found that instead of distracting you from spirituality, your judgments are essential expressions of your spirituality. They support you in being effective with your actions and energy. They are the first step towards movement. Judgment isn’t where to stop, just a touching stone to get a grounding.

All of this is really pointing you towards the way you wish to live your life, what is important to you, and what you desire. As you learn to discern the needs that are within your judgments, you will no longer describe yourself as unkind, petty, belittling, or picky. You have now found a beautiful gem, a lovely pearl. You have discovered something that exists and lies within you that you value. Now you can celebrate. Now you can recognize that your action to judge was really wishing to point you within. You are a spiritual being even when you don’t know it. Thank you.

–Alana