Recognize that when we are confused we are growing! We are transforming and allowing new beliefs.
Question: For most of my life I have been frustrated by my relationships with women.
Through some excellent work several years ago I began to “unfreeze” my relationship blocks.
I soon met a wonderful woman and we began a passionate relationship. At the same time, I have always felt “behind” on relationships, and that as a writer/artist that I would like to have many relationships/sexual experiences (this may be related to being a man as well.)
Nevertheless, I have stayed with this woman for three years. We have been living together for two and a half.
Yesterday, she brought up the question of marriage. Although we have discussed it before, it truly terrified me to think about it. I felt as though the commitment of being married would close all of these doors.
At the same time, I am very much in love with her and can’t imagine living without her. Making a commitment to her with marriage would both make her happy and give our relationship greater respect with our respective families. I can feel that a part of me wants it for myself too.
Although I want to be with her and I especially do not want to hurt her, how can I know what is the right thing to do? It’s as if there are several different parts of me, and some want opposite things!
I have tried to be “Zen” about the whole thing, but last night’s conversation left me feeling very frightened. Confused.
Answer: Hello dear one! Alana appreciates your question. We could write a whole book on your question. So, it is going to be interesting to address your question in this short reply. But, Alana will attempt to connect with the highlights that I feel are essential.
A Map to Help Make Complex Decisions
First of all, it is wonderful that you are aware that you have many different parts or aspects that hold desire. In other words, understand that most people have harmonious and discordant values and sometimes they are at polarity. One aspect will want to move forward and another will want to dig in and may feel very set.
This is normal because our feeling, emotions, needs, and values are a complex system. This is a truth of being a human.
Take some time to write your feelings and thoughts (the basis for your values and needs) in a private journal that is just for your eyes. Get your creative talents working and try to identify the part or aspect that feels that marriage would close doors and would create closure to any possible options that you might wish to advance on.
Give this part a voice in a sense, play with it and see what it wishes to say to you. Journal your dialog and responses. This is kind of like having a conversation with a desire. Your journaling, creating, doodling, and expressing will give you greater clarity if its a need, a want, a desire, or just a fantasy that is better unfulfilled.
Notice where ultimately this internal aspect really wants to go and the basis for its desire. Let it express. Let your other aspects know it doesn’t mean that you are going to take action at this time nor have it rule your life. You are curious and you are giving it space to express and perhaps evolve in more.
This way you can uncover what it really deeply wants. What you will probably find is that it really wants a path to express. Then, after you do this exercise and explore the insights and answers you will learn quite a bit about yourself and why and how this aspect came to be. You will also know if it’s a deep-seated non-negotiable need.
Now, do the same thing with the part of you that really treasures your relationship. Do this with the part that believes a commitment to a relationship would open more doors than it would close, do you see? Take note and explore the benefits, values, needs that would be a part of your life if you moved in that direction. Ponder from in your heart all that will be gained as you give this aspect a voice as well.
Recognize that when we are confused we are growing! We are transforming and allowing new beliefs.
We are at a place of recognizing that perhaps some of our old beliefs want encouragement to grow, elevate, and change their shape and dimension.
Mind Asking/Heart Listening
So, Alana is excited. I feel that you are at a crossroads and soon can expand and create a greater sense of self, and a greater sense of what is possible in your life. The previously outlined exercise is one that can help you sense and feel more deeply. Whichever voice speaks the loudest will point to needs and values that are wishing to be heard and understood, and they wish to transform your life in some way.
Also, you exist within a collective. Yes, dear one, you are a male vibration and there is a collective desire that exists within most all males that is often rich in fantasy. It is often the fantasy that is more vibrant than acting on actual experiences because fantasy most often does not contain impactful actions that affect others and what comes with that.
The male collective desire to be able to have multiple partners certainly wants freedom, because you see this vibration goes out into the world and conquers and provides. Therefore, anything that might seem like a limitation could feel like it negates survival. Alana is sure that your mind asking/heart listening exercise will point to how this lives in you and what would give you the greatest amount of self-fulfillment as well as contribution.
Within we are all a beautiful balance of both feminine and masculine natures. You might explore this balance within to notice if they are in harmony. While you’re in this process seek knowledge around this aspect of your inner nature, too.
Alana feels that your relationship is delightful. Alana can feel the love within your heart and the love between you both. Also, I feel that by journaling, playing, and writing while giving these parts a platform to express will assist you in creating grand clarity on this topic.
The confusion will resolve and clarity will come. Your discordant aspects will feel honored and perhaps they will find a way to be together in harmony.
So, thank you dear one for this wonderful question. The answer is within you. Alana feels that you are growing and can identify the resistance within you and the inner truth for what you truly want.
Thank you dear one.
–Alana
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