Questioner: Sometimes people have judgments about what they can and can not share with their love interests.
What would you say to someone that says, "Well, the things that I want to share I don’t feel like I can because they are my problem and I should deal with them myself. I don't want to share these things because they might hurt my partner's feelings. I feel like I should just keep them to myself."
Alana, what would you advice be in cases like this?
Alana: If a person finds they are suppressing an aspect of their nature what they suppress will build up and eventually turn into resentment, which will manifest in the relationship, or in some way in their life. They eventually will find an outlet and channel the resentment toward someone in their life.
This is why it is so important to hold others able rather than holding back. If you hold back then that is an action of taking responsibility for their lives. So, do indeed always hold others able. Hold them able to make their own decisions. Hold them able to be a whole person. In other words, if you suppress an aspect of yourself to protect another individual, then you are saying that you are greater than them. You are not supporting their wholeness. It is most important to communicate and reveal what you feel, and what you think without blaming and judging another individual.
In other words, we are discussing how important it is to share our personal truth, and allow others to have their own perceptions and ideals. As individuals grow with respect for one another they will create space to listen which will expand the qualities that exist in the relationship and create a space for them to work within harmony. Sure there may be differences; this is normal to have different view and opinions. But what a better way to build intimacy and depth in a relationship than sharing what you feel and need.