Questioner: I would like to explore the suggestion you gave in the previous question a little further regarding exploring the deeper intentions behind the actions of others. I really understand the purpose of not taking another person's actions personally. As we comprehend their deeper intentions this helps us detach so that we may better understand the greater intention behind their actions. But, what if it seems their true intention is really to hurt us or make us feel bad? Can you say something about this?
Alana: First, I would like to comment that if someone is trying to intentionally hurt you, the exploration that I am suggesting does not ask you to be passive if someone is violating you, or being abusive. This is another subject. And in cases like this we must practice self love, and remove ourselves from bad situations. Compassion and understanding does not mean that we subject ourselves to harm.
What I am wanting to invoke is a way for people to move beyond the judgement of self and others, into a state of awareness and discernment. It may seem at times a partner, or someone we are in a relationship with, even a soul mate, might do something to push us away, or hurt our feelings. It can lead us to feel as if we have done something wrong. Or we might judge that we have not been an ideal person leading them to take such drastic action.
By learning how to be empathetic we can learn more about the relationship and ourselves. As we step into their world to better understand why they are taking the actions they are taking this gives us objective ability. This detachment helps us better understand many things. For instance, do we share similar values? Are our values, desires, and needs out of sync with each other? By grasping the deeper intention, this allows conscious action on our part, rather than reacting to another's reaction.
Reactions, and more reactions keep us spinning in circles. By understanding the deeper intentions, we can then make active choices. Perhaps, our exploration will make us a better communicator. Perhaps it will help us discern how to be more compassionate. Maybe we will realize the relationship is not going to improve. Maybe we will learn that the problem was a misunderstanding. Maybe we will open the way for healing. From a state of compassionate empathy we can be empowered and we can empower them to live more fully and find happiness.
Questioner: We essentially become more aware of not only the other person, but ourselves and the choices we can make.
Alana: Yes, absolutely. This is a healthy way to learn and build self-trust.
Questioner: Great! Alana, I really like your previous suggestions on journaling. I can see how spending time reflecting on another's intention in our journal might be quite useful and help us lean how to do this process.