Questioner: I would like to follow up the previous question. For ten years I had a counseling practice, and I can't tell you how many women clients I had who were frustrated in their relationship with men. Often times, their husband or significant other, said, "He won't open up. He won't express himself. He won't share his emotions. He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't communicate." This isn't a slight against men, but in my experience it was mostly women in the counseling sessions expressing these issues. And often times the men weren't willing to come into the counseling relationship and weren't willing to, it seems, to do anything.
However, when I would talk to these men and get to know them, the few that were willing to come in themselves, or with their partners--I found that they did want these things. They did want intimacy. They did want closeness. They did want a meaningful relationship. What do you say when people are stuck like this?
Alana: I say begin--begin by expressing what you would like your life to be like, and then become an example of what you want. The greatest way to teach another, or to receive from another is to be an example first.
When you hold resentment, or hold anger, and have not released the energy in healthy ways while making another individual responsible for your well being this creates a greater sense of disconnection and feelings of separation. Begin by respecting the other person's beliefs, and their needs, and their feelings. Follow that by becoming an example. The partner will realize that you are providing happiness for yourself. You are finding ways to express love. This can begin to melt the barrier that exists between two individuals when their are misunderstandings.
Even though one person may feel they are doing the work in the relationship, they will also learn more how to nurture and care for themselves. Eventually the relationship will deepen, the other partner will soften and learn how to be more open. Or the relationship will grow apart. Both are synchronicity, as we co-create. If the latter happens, then you will know you did your part with compassion and self-love.
Also, realize that the examples seen in so many marriages are not of a harmonious vibration. We have patterned our perceptions of what we think marriage is from what we have seen in the world, and that is why Alana is speaking on how to cultivate what is a true marriage vibration between two individuals. To be in a true marriage it requires a sense of awareness, and conscious awareness, of what you feel inside. In other words, it is about creating an observer of your actions. It is about learning how to step out of yourself and see who you really are. While also developing the ability to perceive the greater and deeper intention of each other's actions.