Gaining Power By Making Others Feel Guilty


"Remember that if you feel something, it must be in you. Whatever is in you, you will feel."

Kirk: You’re saying that when we are not connected to our Source, we become filled with whatever our attention is on at that moment. We think we are what we are focused on and experiencing. So for me, I was weird-looking and that became who I was. Given that I already had the shovel in my hand, I might as well go for it and keep digging. My identity became weird. Of course, I felt attacked, powerless, vulnerable, and unsafe.

Alana: Wow, listen to that shovel dig.

Kirk: The reality became that she was powerful and I was powerless. Her simple comment (the cause) created the illusion of me being powerless (the effect). So my reaction fueled trying to punish her by attempting to make her feel guilty. I needed to paint a picture of myself as sensitive and easily wounded and her as thoughtless and rude. This way she would then be nicer to me in the future. I looked like the victim trying to defend myself, but actually it was a covert power move. If I could make her feel guilty, I would have power and control and then would live in the illusion that the universe was a safer place; a place free of vicious and dangerous acts of hair criticism!

Alana: Dig, shovel, dig! Wow, there is sure a lot of judgment there! Alana is tired now.

Susan: What I want to share is, maybe one of the reasons we can feel this way is that there are parts of us that do feel that way. Kirk, was there a part of you that felt your hair didn’t look good?

Kirk: Sure, and that’s part of what makes these types of situations so tricky. Many of our inner parts will express opposite thoughts and behaviors at the same time. The more mature parts might chuckle inside and say something like, “Who cares? I’m going to go take a shower. It probably does look weird.” On the other hand, the teenage kind of parts might say, “My hair looks stupid? This is the end of the world.” And the small childlike parts might say, “Nobody loves me.” It’s like when ocean currents converge together and flow in many directions at the same time.

Alana: Remember that if you feel something, it must be in you. Whatever is in you, you will feel.

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