Relationships with Self Destructive People


"When people are self-destructive it is often because they believe they are separate."

Kirk: Barry has a question.

Barry: Alana, how can I respect another when it looks like what they are doing is destructive? This confuses me.

Alana: Imagine someone whose behavior fits your description of destructive. Perhaps they hurt themselves. Maybe they become a mass murderer. You might wonder how you can have compassion for a mass murderer. This is a great opportunity to notice your inner dialogue. Instead of focusing on not respecting this person, you could say something like, “Wow, I do love myself because I value life. I have a need to recognize love and I have feelings. What I value surely does not mirror the actions of a mass murderer.”

The mirror is one of contrast. The observation of someone you see as destructive can point you to what is important to you. Contrast can help you clarify your feelings and values. It can bring you to a compassionate place within yourself.

From this state, you can then question why the mass murderer does what he or she does. What is it that they are looking for through destruction? I sense that you will know intuitively what they are looking for. With compassion you will see that perhaps they are looking for recognition, to be noticed, or to feel a sense of connection. You can have compassion for this. You may not have compassion for the way they are trying to fulfill their needs, but if you go into the seed of their being—the very first core intention—you will have compassion for what you find. Does this make sense to everyone?

Barry: Yes. How about when others are destructive to themselves?

Alana: When people are self-destructive it is often because they believe they are separate. They are trying to gain an awareness of connection. The most connected place that we may unconsciously remember is the other side. Sometimes self-destruction is a desire to leave this plane and to go back home.

However, in the times we are now in we are learning how to bring heaven to Earth. We are definitely experiencing a whole new vibration on this planet. Much of what we will speak of in these seven sacred steps is about creating a whole new pattern of being.

Why not make a home here on Earth that embraces love as well?

< previous next >