Letting Go of Emotionally Unavailable Men


Question: I am wanting some advice about relationships. I seem to continue attracting the same type of man into my life: Emotionally unavailable! I understand my old "patterns" of relating to men, but have not yet been able to truly let them go. I know what I want in a relationship; I'm just not sure how to create it.

Answer: Dear one, first of all:

Recognize your beauty,

recognize your worthiness,

recognize the kind of friend that you are to others,

and recognize within you the availability of your emotions

and your willingness to share them.

After reflecting, ask yourself how much room you give yourself to express your emotions fully. Acknowledge this beautiful aspect of your nature.

By creating self-honesty within--meaning honestly appreciating all that you are and honestly acknowledging your emotional capacity to feel and connect--you can now embrace and love yourself. You can affirm what you want in your life. Say to yourself, "May I have this, or something greater, or something more expansive. May something equal, or richer than I am capable of imagining, come back to me."

Declare this statement as an affirmation, OK?

First you are acknowledging what you wish.

Then you are affirming gratefulness for having it.

Next you are declaring and anticipating that you can attract what you desire.

Now look outside of yourself and ask, "When people come into my life, do I compromise who I am?" If a relationship begins to come into my life do I compromise my emotions? If so say, "Wait a minute. What is it that I am compromising?"

Identify it and then give what you wish first to yourself.

As you give it to yourself, you will begin to feel better. You will be able to look towards another person and say, "These are my feelings and these are my needs. I do not know if you are able, I do not know if you are willing, and I do not know if you are capable of acknowledging or supporting what I have communicated. If you are, that is wonderful. If you aren't, just let me know so that I will know where our relationship exists. I can honor that".

Now what you have done dear one is created personal empowerment. You have created a place where you are empowering yourself and you have created a place where you are empowering the other person in your relationship. Therefore, you have built a foundation for co-creation that is empowered.

Now, sit back and allow time to manifest more of what you have declared. You will gain a clearer idea of how this person is going to fit into your life. Are they going to be just a friend, are they going to be just an acquaintance, or are they going to be a long distance neighbor? Now that you know more of what you want, hold this awareness within you and declare it as yours. Then watch and see who shows up.

You may keep doing this over, and over, and over again until you attract what you want. Yes there is practice. Yes you are going to go through a few frogs. OK? Frogs are our way of creating a Prince by getting better and better at knowing who we are and what we want. A Prince is not a myth. You can have your Prince. It is when you put your Prince on a pedestal, is when you get into trouble.

So dear one, given all that you are--with your beauty, your humor, your intelligence, your brilliance, and your emotional desire to connect--you will create a partner. Recognize that it is within the timing of what you declare. When you integrate this wisdom in your being then you will attract that back into you. A delightful love relationship will come. Just watch where your thoughts dwell.

Thank you, dear one.

--Alana