Identifying Personal Values Builds Self Esteem


Question: My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of problems and I could use some relationship advice. He has physically abused me twice in one month. He currently lives with me and I have asked him to leave. When he doesn't drink he is more tolerable to live with. I want to know if I have made the right decision concerning this matter by asking him to leave. Will I ever find the love that I need in my life? I want to settle down with someone but it seems I can't seem to attract the right guy in my life. Today I am desperately depressed and I don't have a lot of self-esteem. Please let me know what you see for me in the future.

Answer: Hello, dear one! Thank you for bringing forth your question. First of all, dear one, recognize that love is something that you must give yourself before you can create it with another. Secondly, recognize that it is okay to have needs, that it is okay to identify with what your needs are, and to hold them as non-negotiable elements.

So, dear one, you have a need to be treated with love and you have a need to be treated with dignity. Do not compromise this. Recognize the individuals who come into your life and treat you less than you desire are individuals that also need to learn how to love themselves. When an individual takes an action to another that is abusive, it is an action that they are really doing to themselves. You see?

This is because we are all connected and what we do to another we are doing to ourselves. So, his action towards you is really about wanting to abuse himself, either because it occurred to him when he was younger, or perhaps, because he feels he does not deserve. So, dear one, these are things that he needs to figure out for himself and not at your expense. By holding him able to heal himself, holding him able to come to terms with his own emotions and his own actions, it supports loving him as well as it supports you loving yourself.

Alana wants to point you in a direction of getting in touch with who you are and recognizing what you would like your life to look like. Then, begin reinforcing this by making a commitment to identify your needs and holding them strong.

You will have needs that are non-negotiable, and you will have needs that are negotiable. But, really be attentive in defining who you are, what you desire, and what brings you joy.

You see, when we invite others into our life that only blend with perhaps a couple of our needs, then we are not true to ourselves, and we are expressing a lack of love for our own nature. The only way to bring about a balanced world, one where we are all expressive, creative souls, is to truly love one's self.

So, Alana suggests that is your first step dear one. It is having compassion for yourself and to create a greater definition of your own identity, so that you will have a stronger awareness of what you bring into your life and how it will blend with the vibration that is you.

Thank you for your question, dear one. Alana sees you happy and well, knowing that you can create this definition.

Thank you, dear one.

--Alana