Relationship Turmoil

Question: Dear Alana, I am turning to you because I am very confused about relationships and in much turmoil. I have been married to my husband for eleven years. For six of them he was abusive, verbally, emotionally, sexually, and physically. He had a drinking problem. We have three children together. When I could nostay in the relationship, he told me he had a problem and needed help. Unfortunately, my heart was already in the hands of another man.

This new relationship person is fourteen years older than me and I feel an extremely deep connection with him. He told me his marriage was unhappy and we have developed a deep friendship. During this time his wife left him, and he was very hurt. I took care of him for three and a half months while trying to maintain my family as well. When he decided she was never coming home, things became more serious between us, and I thought he really loved me.

People had warned me that his wife is manipulative and evil. When she found out I was helping him she returned. I realize he will never come back into my life but I can't let go. I have tried to make things work at home with my husband, but every night when I go to sleep, the dreams start. I cry, yell, beg, and ask this other man why he hurt me. I have been known to sleep walk around the house looking for him and crying. I am constantly tired from a lack of rest. To make matters worse, I get hang-up phone calls at work that cannot be traced and someone keeps driving by my house. I do not understand what is going on or why my subconscious will not let go of something that was so destructive to me. Any help or relationship guidance you can give will be greatly appreciated. I am in need of some spiritual support and insight.

Answer: Hello, dear one! Alana has much compassion for your question and I am delighted to provide some spiritual insight. It feels that you, dear one, were brought into this world with a belief that there is not enough. And, this belief was subtle when it came into your life at birth. It has left an impression within your nature and it feels that outward manifestations have brought situations into your life reinforcing that this belief is true.

Dear one, Alana encourages you to begin turning your thoughts toward devotion of your life rather than devoting your thoughts to wondering if you are going to be completed by a relationship with another.

Alana is not saying to separate yourself from the world or discount your emotions and the feelings that you have. But, Alana is saying that the most important element in your life is the discovery of yourself. Begin devoting to yourself as much concern, care, and love as you would wish to give another. Begin to find ways to feel your own nature. When we are born with a belief that there is not enough love in the world, we often attract individuals into our life that are often unavailable in some way. Whether this manifests as abuse, emotional unresponsiveness, or unavailability, does not matter. What matters is that you find ways to release this belief and bring in a belief of abundance.

As you begin to recognize love in the world, and place your attention to areas in your life which support thoughts of having enough love, you become more powerful. Know that love is possible, that you are enough, and that you are beautiful because truthfully, dear one, you have all within you to manifest whatever you want. It is in your power to do so. The power exists within you. You are fully able to manifest and create anything you so want in your life.

Through creating an image while in a state of self-love, the universe will find ways to fill that image. So, dear one, begin to have a love affair with yourself. Begin to devote time and energy to discovering who you really are. As you do this, power will come into your being. The power to recognize who you really are and what you are really capable of creating. This will create a transformation for you and all your relationships will benefit because they will see that you are love.

This is a new beginning for you, dear one. Please bring examples of mentors into your life that give you an awareness of the beauty that lies within you. Seek individuals in the world that you view are happy and successful people who are creating joy for themselves. Blend with these vibrations. In other words, befriend healthy, inspired individuals because this will assist you in transforming your life.

Remember that who we spin with, spins with us. So, when we invite people into our life that are full of problems and difficulties we end up inheriting their problems as well. It is up to them to find the power within themselves. You can still have compassion without taking in their problems.

Thank you, dear one. Hopefully this has given you a little bit of information to help you begin to bring more joy into your life. You are not dependent on anyone for your well being or happiness. The decision is up to you. Alana feels as you recognize that the world is abundant, your obsession about worrying about whether or not you are receiving love from another will gradually ease. Give love to yourself. Make that your commitment. Only love can follow.

Thank you, dear one.


Here is a Summary: Six Daily Steps To Self-Love

1. Take a moment each day and acknowledge yourself. Connect with the parts of you that you love. Acknowledge these qualities that you appreciate and recognize.

2. Affirm these expressions within you and your connection to love. Write them down if you like so that you will remember them throughout the day.

3. Take a daily action that is a ritual or celebration of 'You'. Treat yourself in some way, whether it be a 5 minute meditation, listening to a song you love, or a walk in nature. Create a daily ritual or action that affirms self-care.

4. As feelings of separation come up throughout the day, bring them into your heart. Tenderly nurture these feelings as you would an infant or a child that is sad or lonely. Notice the compassion and care that is within you.

5. Take a moment and imagine possibilities that would excite you and things that you would like to learn and do. You can create a list of these as well.

6. Next, take a moment and imagine a desired result in your day that you would like to create. Lastly, always ask for this or something better!