Managing Anger over Unfaithful Father


Question: For the past ten years, my father has been being unfaithful to my mother and having an affair with a woman with whom he has a child. My mother has known about this for its entirety and she basically accepts it. In fact, she waits on him hand and foot when he is around and hopes that he will someday change.

I have a lot of resentment, hatred and anger towards my father and a lot of anger and disdain for my mother. I have a lot of problems controlling my emotions, especially when I see them together acting like a perfect couple. They especially put on the "perfect couple" act in front of their relatives and friends. I plan to move out soon so that I don't have to deal with them.

My question is, how can I learn to manage my anger and hatred towards my parents and be peaceful and happy? I really need this help because the anger is sometimes all-consuming.

Answer: Hello, dear one. Thank you for this question. Alana appreciates your honesty and the ability to be so in touch with the awareness about what your personal values are. You see, this is essentially what your question is about. Through your anger you are finding a way to create a clear definition of what you feel your values are, what you want to create in your life, and what is important to you. Obviously, your mother and your father have a different set of values.You can be grateful to them for helping you identify what is important to you. The contrasting values between you is helping you create a clear definition of what you want in your life.

Alana suggests you begin by blessing them. This does not mean that you have to condone their actions. It does not mean that you have to necessarily suppress what you want in your life because of what their values are, and what they need. What it does mean, is that you are creating a place in yourself to accept that their values and needs are different from yours. This releases you from trying to change something you can not change on your own. It aligns with whatever their higher purpose is. Bless them, so that they can find greater peace with their own sense of self even though they may never know consciously how to grow through what they are creating.

Blessing them also creates the first step in forgiveness. When you can come to a place of forgiveness within, it helps you move on. It will help you release the anger that exists within you. Remember, forgiveness does not mean that you condone something. All it means is that you accept that it has existed. By doing this, it frees you from being hooked into the connection, or the obsessive thought, that keeps you from being fully expressive in your own life. This will help release some of the anger so you can move forward.

Now, as you do this, Alana acknowledges you for knowing that you want to create your own sense of identity, your own environment, and that you know you want to spin within an environment that feels more healthy for you. So be it, dear. Continue to turn towards which you do want to create and bless what is in your world that is less than you desire.

Also, dear one, if you did not have the parents that you have, you would not be you! It is through their actions that you have learned much about who you are. So, that is another reason to have gratefulness, and another reason to bless them. It is difficult to ever know why someone has to endure what they do. How it is serving them and on what levels they are growing.

I wish we had more time to explore this question. Hopefully, this bit of information will help you begin to recognize that your life is ahead of you. Your happiness is within your power to create. Your life is about the choices you make and what you bring to yourself from these choices. Blame only distracts us from being creative with our lives.

Recognize that not all male vibrations are going to disappoint you in this way. Hold others able around you. Do hold them able to clearly communicate with you, and to be honest. As you have trust and faith that you can attract relationships to bring this honesty and clarity to you, you will find that relationships around you will begin to transform as well.

Thank you for your question. Bless you, dear one as well.

--Alana