Question: For most of my life I have been frustrated by my relationships with women. Through some excellent work several years ago I began to "unfreeze" my relationship blocks. I soon met a wonderful woman and we began a passionate relationship. At the same time, I have always felt "behind" on relationships, and that as a writer/artist that I would like to have many relationships/sexual experiences (this may be related to being a man as well.) Nevertheless, I have stayed with this woman for three years. We have been living together for two and a half.
Yesterday, she brought up the question of marriage. Although we have discussed it before, it truly terrified me to think about it. I felt as though the commitment of being married would close all of these doors. At the same time, I am very much in love with her and can't imagine living without her. Making a commitment to her with marriage would both make her happy and give our relationship greater respect with our respective families. I can feel that a part of me wants it for myself too.
Although I want to be with her and I especially do not want to hurt her, how can I know what the right thing to do is? It's as if there are several different parts of me that want opposite things!
I have tried to be "Zen" about the whole thing, but last night's conversation left me feeling very frightened. How can I know what the "right" thing to do is? Confused.
Answer: Hello dear one! Alana appreciates your question. We could write a whole book on your question. So, it is going to be interesting to address you question in this short reply. But, Alana will attempt to connect with the highlights that I feel are essential.
First of all, validate within you that you have many different parts. In other words, understand that people exist with all their parts and sometimes they are within polarity. Sometimes a part will want to move forward and another part will want to dig in it's heels. And this is normal. This is an aspect of being a human.
Take some time to write your feelings and thoughts in a private journal that is just for your eyes. Get your creative talents working for you and see if you can identify the part of you that feels that marriage would close doors and would fully create closure to any possible options that you might wish to advance on. Find this part of you and have a conversation. Your search here will help you find an element within you, or an aspect within you, with which you can identify. Your journaling, creating, doodling, and expressing will give your more clarity. Give this vibration a life. See where it really wants to go and let it express itself. Let your other parts know that this doesn't mean that you are going to become only this vibration or have it rule your life. What you are really doing is giving it room to express. This way you can uncover what it really wants. What you will probably find is that what it really wants is expression. Then, after you do this, and after you explore this part, you will learn quite a bit about yourself.
Now, do the same thing with the part of you that really treasures your relationship. Do this with the part of you that sees commitment to a relationship as opening many more doors than it will close, you see? Look at the benefits that can come into your life. Look at all that will be gained and give this vibration a voice as well. Recognize that when we are confused we are at a place of bringing about new beliefs. We are at a place of recognizing that perhaps some of our old beliefs want encouragement to grow, elevate, and change their shape and dimension.
So, Alana is excited. I feel that you are at a crossroads for expanding and creating a greater sense of self, and a greater sense of what is possible for you. Also, you exist within a collective. Yes dear one, you are a male vibration and there is a collective vibration that exists within all males which is often rich in fantasy and that fantasy is often more vibrant than actual experiences when taking action. This vibration is one that certainly wants freedom, because you see, the male vibration by nature has been the vibration that goes out into the world and provides. Therefore, anything that could feel like limitation would feel like it negates survival.
Within ourselves we are a beautiful balance of both feminine and masculine natures. You might explore this balance within you and see if you can identify some knowledge around this aspect as well.
Alana feels that your relationship is delightful. Alana can feel the love within your heart and the love between you both. Also I feel that by journaling, playing, and writing giving these parts a voice, you will create grand clarity for yourself. Your confusion will resolve itself and clarity will come. Your parts will feel honored and perhaps they will find a way to be together in harmony.
So, thank you dear one for this wonderful question. The answer is within you. Alana feels that you are growing and are identifying the resistance within you and the inner truth that lies within.
Thank you dear one.