Question: We have a serious situation in the office I work at. I love my job but the work ethics include the abusive use of conflict and the verbal abuse from one of the co-workers has me near the end of my rope. Is there any resolution in site for the rest of us?
Answer: Hello dear one. Alana is pleased to hear your question and can understand the quandary in loving the environment that you work in and feeling confronted by a co-worker who is unsure of themselves.
When an individual stirs things up by being abusive or overly expressive in self-serving ways, usually it is because they feel incomplete in some way. So, one of the things that you can do for yourself is to recognize that all individuals have needs and what they are usually attempting with their various kinds of behavior is to define and express making their needs known.
This situation at your job can extend to you a greater understanding of compassion; to have compassion that this individual has needs. This way you can comprehend a reason why their behavior is the way it is. You can begin to detach your emotions and feel a little less plugged in or charged by the negatively in their actions. You will feel a little less invaded.
Alana is not saying that these actions by your fellow employee are correct or that the behavior should be allowed to interrupt your working environment. Alana is wanting to help you create a way to have compassion, so you can then move to solutions, without being emotionally bombarded.
Perhaps, if you feel so inclined, you could decide to spend some one-on-one time with this individual. You could ask them to have lunch with you and spend some time with them. During this time ask them what they are needing, wanting, or why their actions are so disruptive. Let them know that you want your work environment to be harmonious and you feel that they are having a difficult time.
Listen carefully. Hear them. Ask them questions. Go into their nature so that they feel heard. This will perhaps reveal to you some of their difficulties. This may help calm their nature--it may or may not. This is one possible solution. Another thing you could do is point out how you feel their actions disrupt the harmony in the environment. By taking this step, Alana feels that you will feel that you are taking steps in creating your own harmony as well as facilitating a greater way of communicating within your environment.
Communication is the greatest tool that we have when it comes to learning how to be together in an environment with different individuals. Communication is so important as is listening and expressing. Alana feels that perhaps one of the reasons this is within your environment is to help others learn how to communicate effectively; to recognize that we all have needs and also how to sort what is appropriate for the environment. Work with these suggestions some. See if you can use some of these ideas. Thank you dear one.