Womens Relationship Advice on Loving Again


Question: Four years ago, I had an absolutely devastating betrayal by the man I was involved with. After all these years, I still find myself unable to get involved with anyone, though I very much want to. When I try, I either pick men who are really unavailable or, more frequently, men who are already involved. I would really like to feel safe and worthy within an intimate romantic relationship, but my therapeutic and healing efforts have not borne fruit. What can I do, honestly? Thank you for your inspiring site!

Answer: Hello, dear one. Alana appreciates your question and I am happy to help. Learning how to trust one's heart and bring love into one's life is a question that many people have. I am delighted to address your relationship and love concerns.

After listening to your question, Alana feels you have within you a couple of core beliefs that keep you from manifesting love. One is that there is not enough love. The other feels like when you bring love into your life that it will leave you. It feels like you are healing abandonment beliefs, and a belief that you are safest when you are alone.

What you can do is surrender to these beliefs. In other words, surrender to them and ask yourself to find evidence that they are true. Begin by journaling. Sit down and ask yourself what you really believe--what your core beliefs are. Ask yourself what is true in this world. What do you have evidence of? How do you see the way that people treat one another? Deeply explore these questions. Allow yourself to bring up all of the negative qualities and negative beliefs that may exist within you.

Recognize that these beliefs are there to keep you safe. You created them, brought them into your body and mind, and reinforced them in your memory to provide guidance. Their intention was to help you receive more love. Spend a couple of days allowing yourself to gather this information.

Now that you have explored these questions, take this information and one by one, ask yourself:

-- Which of these beliefs do I want to continue to hold on to?

-- Which of these beliefs am I ready to let go of?

Then let go of the ones that you feel you are ready to release by crossing them out on your paper. Now see which beliefs are left. See what core beliefs are still left in you that you're not willing to let go of yet. Allow yourself to have them. Keep them for a while. Keep them in front of you until you feel ready to ask yourself if you would like to transform them.

Eventually you will notice that they will not support what you would like to create in your life. Eventually you will say that you are ready to transform them. When you feel ready, take a moment, connect with your heart, and do a meditation. Bring them into your heart. Imagine them coming into the space within your heart. Next, ask, "What belief would I like to have?" Then listen for the answer. It will come to you. Now that you have discovered what belief you would like, state your new belief aloud. Now celebrate your new belief!

Do this exercise a few times. Continue to do it until all your core beliefs that hold you from your dreams are redirected. If the old beliefs reappear, just lovingly bring them into your heart again. Once you feel them transforming within your heart, replace them with your new thoughts.

Continue to notice your thoughts throughout your day. Look at how you spend your time. Look at your thoughts. See where your awareness spends time dwelling. Once you find you are spending more time directing your thoughts to what you want to create--rather than dwelling on what you don't want--then you will begin to see yourself manifesting more love. It won't take much time before you are creating a vibration that will attract someone who will match your energy in a delightful way. They will be someone that you can trust, because you trust yourself.

Thank you, dear one. Do practice this. This is a wonderful action for spiritual healing. Alana feels that within you is the ability to draw to you anything that you want to create. You have evidence of this in other areas of your life. Now empower yourself to create this! Thank, you dear one.

Process Summary

1. Ask yourself what your core beliefs are and write down the answers you receive.

2. Recognize that the intention of each of the beliefs you uncover was to keep you safe. (Feel free to replace "keep you safe" with your own words that describe the intention or intentions you feel.)

3. Don't rush the first two steps. Take as many days or weeks as needed to identify your beliefs and begin to understand their intention.

4. Ask yourself which beliefs you want to hold onto for now.

5. Ask yourself which beliefs you want to let go of now.

6. Cross out in your writings the one's that you are willing to let go of now.

7. Acknowledge and allow the one's that you want to hold onto for now.

8. Once you realize that you are ready to release another belief--and it may take some time--bring each belief (one at a time) into your heart and allow it to heal. Feel it transform.

9. Ask yourself what new belief you would like to have (to replace the old belief) and listen for your answers.

10. State your new belief aloud. Repeat steps 8 and 9 for each belief. Now rejoice!

Tip: Sometimes old beliefs arise again. Relax and repeat this process, starting with step 8.

-- Alana